EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS (Part 3)
Unfortunately, if you have found that your partner is having an emotional affair, the options you have might seem few, far and in between. Sure, you can ask your partner to stop spending time or talking to the “other person”, but the response that they give you on this issue probably will not be the one you are looking for.
Even if there is no physical activity happening between your partner and the other person, your partner is still attached to that persona emotionally- hence the emotional affair. In order for your partner to stop having the emotional affair, they essentially have to break off the relationship with another person just the same as they were ending a romantic or sexual relationship. This can be a difficult situation, as you feel betrayed and your partner will feel as if you are trying to take something away from them that they care about.
Talk to your partner about the “whys” and “hows”. Why they developed the relationship with the other person, and how that relationship makes you feel. If you need to have this conversation, put your guard down during the conversation. If your partner says that the other person listens to them or understands them, you’re natural reaction is going to be “Oh, so I don’t listen to you or understand you?” And then you will be well on your way to argument central. Take this time to find out where you and your partner stand in your own relationship. Even if he or she swears that they are not attracted to the other person, if they are telling you that they are unhappy with you, it may be time to move on and it will not have anything to do with the other person.
I am a firm believer in couples counseling. Why? Most couples are so busy these days with work, family, kids, finances etc that they rarely sit down and really talk to their partner. When they do get a chance to sit down and talk to their partner, they are usually tired, exhausted and in a rush to get it over with. A third party will give you a quiet place to go over issues with your partner and not have the phone ringing or work sitting on your computer waiting to get done. If the conversation starts to fall off track, there is someone there who can point you and your partner back to the issue at hand. Couples counseling will not always work unfortunately due to the fact that both partners must give it their all in order for it to work. Not only that, but you may go to couples counseling and come to the realization that you no longer want to be in the relationship. However, couples counseling can open up you and your partner to reasons why the emotional affair is happening and ways to get your relationship back on track.
At one point or another, we all have probably been a victim of an emotional affair in a relationship. Or maybe we have been the person committing the emotional affair. Either way, remember that there does not have to be physical activity in order for a person to feel as though you cheated or betrayed them. The sooner a couple realizes that one person is involved with an emotional affair, the better the chance that your relationship can get back on try in the right direction.
I know all too well how this ends up. I am living it right now. My partner of almost 10 years just recently informed me that I need to find a place to live. She hasn’t been coming home now for over 2 weeks, just long enough to pick up some clothes or check in on her son. Avoids me in every shape form and fashion and when we do meet up she is rude cold darnright mean. In less than one hour her whole demeanor changed and she was gone. Prior to that I felt something was going on, but she kept insisting that I TRUST her. So, to not argue, I went along with her lies. Also, she had told me to go back to school, she would cover any expenses, just I had to take care of a couple of my own bills. I sign up and commit, she dumps me. Now I don’t make nearly enough at my little parttime job to cover zilch, not to mention school. About 4 months ago, I had a very small stroke, no after effects or anything, but I did feel somewhat safe being with someone who loved me and would take care of me if needed. Lord knows I would of been there for her.
I am sorry to hear your situation. The subject matter hits home to me as well, which is why I wrote about it. When I was engaged to the person who is now my husband, we had a long distance relationship, and he latched on to the first girl who showed she cared about him to fill the void he had due to me not being around. Luckily we were able to work through the problems and get back on track, but it was a hard year! The one thing that I learned, was that no matter how much I loved him, that I needed to depend on myself emotionally, financially and mentally. Hopefully you will find someone who will be there for you. Check back often and good luck