Emotional Affairs (Part 1)
“Emotional Affair” is a term that has been floating around the media for the past few years. I am not sure if the term is politically correct, but it does come close to describing the situation.
What is an emotional affair? Simply put, an emotional affair is when one person in a relationship is having an affair with another person minus the physical touching (no kissing, foreplay, sex etc). How is this considered an affair then? This is where it gets more complicated. The person who is committing the affair displays most of the usual symptoms of a person having an affair. They lie, they cover up, they become distant and vague and lastly, it can and will ruin the current relationship they are in.
An example? Jane and John have been married for 5 years. They have a decent marriage but barely spend time together due to Jane’s work schedule and John feels lonely. Mary just moved into Jane and John’s neighborhood and met John at the mailboxes a few months ago and invited John over for a cup of coffee. John finds Mary attractive and feels connected to her emotionally. They spend several hours per week together just talking, sharing stories and confiding in each other about their problems. John has now become distant from Jane. He lies to her every time he is going to spend time with Mary and covers up the friendship he has with her. John has become increasingly distant from Jane and no longer tells Jane about his day or anything else going on in his life.
This story represents the true beginnings of an emotional affair. If Jane finds out about Mary, John’s response would more than likely be “we’re just friends”. John justifies his relationship with Mary because he has never touched her and she has never touched him. In John’s mind, his relationship with Mary is innocent, even though he knows deep down that he feels attracted to her but up until this point has resisted any urges to take the relationship further.
“We’re just friends”- the statement should make one feel better, but more than likely if you are on the receiving end of these words, it just makes you feel worse. Your spouse or partner swears to you that he or she has never touched the other person but upon finding out about the emotional affair, you are just as hurt and angry over it as you would be if your partner had physically touched the 3rd party.
Next: Emotional Affairs (Part 2) The signs you should look for.
